101 Ways To Kill Glee Characters
by HayAnt10USA9DSI
Summary: A series of One shots to kill Glee characters written using a random word generator for prompts hope you enjoy, rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

Cover

Kurt and Rachel, stained with the embarrassment of being shown up by the NYADA finalists, ran for cover from the rain, into Kurt's auto mobile. It was raining pretty hard so the pair's tears were hidden. All they wanted was to be good at something. They locked themselves into the driver and passenger seat of Kurt's car and slammed the door of pain to hide their embarrassment. Rachel's sobbing made Kurt even more upset.  
"Don't cry." He said, trying to comfort her, but failing as he was crying himself. Rachel wiped the tears that were rolling down her face as Kurt tried to hide his.  
"Its just-" she stared, "They were so good *sniffle* and I just don't know if I'm as good as them..." she sighed.  
Kurt gasped.  
"Listen to me, You and I, Rachel Berry are going to beat all of them losers because we, are fantastic!" He said staring off into the distance.  
"What are you doing?" Rachel laughed at him.  
"I don't know, it looks good in the movies." He laughed back.  
"But seriously-" She said looking in to the blue eyed boys face "You have Blaine and everything's great for you, but I've got nothing. NYADA was my only hope!" She started crying even more.  
"Don't be silly Ms Berry! You have Finn, And who say's you're not going to get into NYADA?"  
"That's it, I don't have Finn... Because last night, I brutally murdered him. With my vegan powers..."

Kurt burst out in tears as it reminded him of what he had done to the love of his life,

"Well at least I have someone who is with me as I killed Blaine yesterday because he insulted my fashion sense..."

Rachel nodded in understanding,

"I get it, that's why I killed Finn..." she replied, as Rachel placed her head on the other murderer's shoulder.  
"Yes. We can be evil murders together!" Kurt said as he slammed the knife into Rachel's chest. She let out a short gasp, and that was it. She was dead. Right there in Kurt's car. He pushed to dead hobbits body out of the car and drove off into the night, with the evil smile he does best on his face. He felt smug, because he hadn't really killed Blaine. No, he just wanted Rachel to feel close to him before he painfully killed her. Normally he would be worried about the blood staining his car, but he knew how to wash it out, Rachel wasn't the first person he'd killed in that exact seat. She was the second; Sebastian Smythe was the first to go... That'd teach him to try and steal his man.

Kurt continued driving until he reached his home he shared with Blaine. He walked in and Blaine was curled up on the sofa with a cup of hot tea in his hands.  
"Hey Blaine! You'll never guess who I got today!" He said more excited than he usually was when he came home from a day of murdering.  
"Oooh, Surprise me babe!" Blaine said turning to look at his killer boyfriend.  
"The one, The only –"

"MS RACHEL BERRY!" They both shouted in unison.  
"How did you guess?" Kurt laughed.  
"Oh please. You introduced her the same way she introduces herself!"  
The two boys laughed together.


	2. Chapter 2

2) Briefcase

Kurt walked into the HausOfKurt holding his new and shiny briefcase that his meerkat faced boyfriend gave him for Christmas, he strutted into the office with a brown shiny briefcase to the dismay of his new rivals, the infamous Anderberry Siblings, Rachel and Blaine who's office was almost opposite to a one Kurt Hummel.

He walked into there office and whacked Blaine right across the face with his shiny new briefcase. Kurt felt powerful, he felt good, today would be a good day.

Unluckily for Kurt, a one Rachel Anderberry was stood right behind him and plunged a dagger right into his brain, almost instantaneously killing him and all of his glory. Blaine's smug smiled complimented the blood pouring from Kurt's brain onto Blaine's leather shoes. Being in charge was good...  
Unfortunately for them Sebastian had followed Kurt into work because Kurt had left his lunch on the counter at home, and had seen the whole thing. He ran up to Rachel and wrapped his pink tie round the girl's (who, just incase you were wondering, had very man-ish hands) neck and strangled her until she coughed and spluttered and fell to the floor dying. That just left Sebastian and Blaine.

Then it came to it...it came to **the** smack down of the century, the next thing they both knew was that Blaine was strangling the meerkat faced boy and screaming "Why the hell did you do that to my perfect sister!" down the meerkat's ear, but Sebastian was screaming, "Why the hell did you do that to my perfect boyfriend!" and then Blaine realised, he let his grip from Sebastian's neck go and tucked his perfect curly hair round his ear,

"Oh hey, you're gay?" Blaine asked casually looking down at the floor as Sebastian spluttering,

"Um, yeah!" Sebastian replied,

"Do you wanna go out for coffee?" Blaine casually replied, he hadn't had a date for at least seven months.

"Um, sure!" Sebastian piped up.

And 10 years later, the death of Kurt Hummel and Rachel Berry bought two men strangely in love together, and they never looked back...


	3. Chapter 3

**3) Shoe.**

"Come on Finn Bear, The shops close in half an hour!" An excited Rachel berry shouted, Dragging an exhausted Finn Hudson behind her.  
"Come on Rachel, Can't we just go home, I'm sure the shoe's will still be there tomorrow!"  
"No. Finn, come on, please?" The hobbit like girl begged.  
"Fine, Quickly though? I'm gonna miss the game!"  
"I'll be quick, I promise!" Rachael ran into the shoe shop like a over excited 5 year old, and with the clothes she wore people were most definitely mistaking her for a 5 year old. "THERE THEY ARE!" she screamed, running over to a beautiful pair of golden heels. She ran like the wind over to them but she was late. A woman with a petite figure, and rather short hair had them in her hands.  
"Hey! Lady, Those shoes are mine!" Rachel screamed pulling on the woman's shoulder so she could see her face, but as she turned round she noticed that this was no woman! It was Kurt!  
"Woah, Calm down hobbit!" Kurt laughed at Rachel!  
"I'm not taking this any more Kurt! Give me the shoes!" She shouted.  
"No way. No-one shouts at my boy!" Shouted Blaine, who was accompanying Kurt on his quest for the golden heels, and with one swift movement he grabbed a stiletto off the shoe shelf and jammed it into the manly girls head repeatedly until she gasped for breath and fell dead to the floor.

"Good one babe!" Kurt said, throwing his arms round Blaine's neck.  
Blaine was so into the hug, he barely even noticed Finn stabbing a shoe into his back. It was Kurt that first noticed it, when he started to pull away from the hug he saw the blood dripping from his hands. As he let go of Blaine he screamed and Blaine fell, Dead, to the floor. His head flashed over to Finn.  
"Oh No you didn't!" Kurt shouted, picking up a floral wedged heel of the table next to him and launching it at Finns head. It hit him right on the forehead, the blow killing him instantly.

Kurt stared around the shop, through all this murdering, he barely noticed the other people in the shop. Who were all now gasping in shock and the teens lying dead on the floor. Kurt knew if he didn't get out of there quickly he would get caught by the police, so he fled. Straight home, grabbed his pass port, all the money he could find, and a few of his favourite out fits. When he had all his stuff he called for a taxi, and went straight to the closest air port. He boarded the first flight he found (which was to Mexico FYI) and finally started to relax. Until he looked down at his hands half way through the flight and noticed he still had his dead boyfriends blood all over his hands. He scrubbed his hardest to get it all off, when finally the plane touched down and Kurt could chill.

To this day, Kurt Hummel is still living in Mexico, with his handsome husband Marco. He's started using a fake name and now has a brand new Job. His name is Carlito Banisa.

No one will ever know.

EVER.


	4. Chapter 4

**Designer**

_**(Sequel to Briefcase)**_

Sebastian looked around the amazing, luxurious apartment that he shared with his husband Blaine Anderberry-Smythe, they had been married for three amazing years after being in a eight year relationship with him after nearly killing him. One day, when Sebastian was at work, Blaine went to sleep and was haunted by the ghosts of his past;

_Kurt didn't just walk into the office...he strutted._

_And every time that he strutted, Blaine's heart stuttered. He was madly in love with Kurt, even if he had pretended that he hated him. _

_His designer boots clacking on the floor, he was still madly in love with him._

_Kurt strutted up to him as Blaine swooned at Kurt's radiance, his glasz eyes glistening. _

"_I miss you..." Kurt seductively whispered, "I had always loved you, how could you do this to me?" Kurt asked caressing Blaine's face._

"_You know what you must do..." Kurt's tone changed as he knew Blaine must kill Sebastian in order for them to be with each other in his dreams and not just sleep cheating._

Blaine woke up panting, just from this dream, he knew that he must kill his meerkat faced lover so he could be with literally the man of his dreams.

*Ring Ring*  
"Hey Blaine baby."  
"Oh, H-Hey Sebby, how you doing? I thought you were working?"

"Yeah, I am, but I got a break so I thought I'd call you to see how you were doing?"  
"I'm great thanks!" Blaine said, maybe a little bit too over excited. "I was thinking, how about I cook for you tonight?"

"Ooh, sounds good Chicken Pasta?"  
"Sounds good to me!" Blaine said, secretly plotting his horse toothed lovers exit from life.

"Alright Blainey, well I have a 100 page portfolio to hand in by tomorrow, so I'll see you later!" Sebastian made a kissy noise down the phone and then hung up.

Blaine just laughed.

That portfolio would not get handed in.

Sebastian came home to a bowl of Chicken Pasta that Blaine had prepared, but had mixed poison in to murder his CW-haired husband.

"Hey, honey!" Sebastian called as he dumped his portfolio down on the couch

"Hey, baby..." Blaine replied trailing off as he passed Sebastian a drink,

"Special occasion?" Sebastian asked sitting down at the dining room table across from Blaine.

"Oh, very..." Blaine smirked.

On the last syllable of Blaine's words Sebastian took his first bite of the chicken pasta. Blaine couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny baby?" Sebastian asked before clutching his chest in agony.

"You're dying!" Blaine laughed!  
"Of course I'm not dy-*COUGH* dying..."  
"Oh, but you are! That's not just any chicken pasta. It has one special ingredient in it... my magic blue powder!" Blaine cackled.

"Magic... Magic what?" Sebastian screeched collapsing to the floor.

"5...4...3...2...1... and you're gone!" Blaine shouted laughing so much he could barely breathe.

That was it.

The teen who actually DID have a bad case of the gay face was dead.

Gone.

FOREVER.

**KLAINE WILL LIVE ON!  
NOT EVEN DEATH WILL SPLIT THEM!**


	5. Chapter 5

**5) Apple.**

Kurt was the sassy manager at Ohio's branch of the apple store. He had it all, the job, the house, the car, but most of all, he had the boy. Blaine Anderson was his boyfriend of 6 years, they'd been through high school together and they didn't plan on breaking up any time soon, but that's not what Sebastian had planned…

Sebastian was the meerkat faced colleague of one Kurt Hummel, one day while Kurt was on his break; his AMAZING boy friend strutted into the shop, his smile glistening.

"Um… Excuse me, but have you seen Kurt Hummel? We're supposed to be going on a date." Blaine asked, tapping Sebastian on the shoulder. Sebastian took his moment…  
"Well actually… Mr Hummel's on a break, but I believe he's with his boyfriend outside…" Sebastian lied. Blaine raised his eyebrow.  
"Do you want to try that again?" Blaine smirked at the meerkat faced boy.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow.  
"No, Mr Hummel's outside with his boyfriend…" Sebastian lied once again.  
"Kurt would never do that, and I don't appreciate that you're lying to me…" Blaine insisted.

"Well personally I think that Kurt is quite out of your league and you should probably try dating a higher standard of people…" Sebastian hinted.

Blaine was fine with being insulted, he had had it all of his life from his Father, but when somebody insulted his boyfriend, his beautiful sexy boyfriend, he would have to take matters into his own hands…

Blaine jumped for Sebastian's throat pulling him to the ground as he continued to strangle his wind pipe. He strangled his wind pipe until he was left dead in the apple store.

Kurt walked back into the store to give a loving smile to his boyfriend,  
"Hey Baby!" Kurt sang skipping towards Blaine glancing quickly at the dead body. "Oh yay! I thought nobody would get rid of that meerkat outbreak…" Kurt replied to Blaine's worried face  
"I love you so much!" Blaine's voice cracked  
"I love you too…" Kurt whispered, as he leaned in for a kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long! But we're back now so... enjoy!**_

* * *

_**Examiner. **_

**"keep your head to the front and your eyes on your own papers. Remember to try your best and you'll be fine." said Mr Hummel to the year 11 math students. **

" you will have 40 minutes. You may start, good look!" All of the students simultaneously opened their papers and got started.

The snap, crackle and pop of the papers was the first thing that distracted her. Brittany stares blankly into space thinking about unicorns and how much she would love for a ninja monkey to come down and save her from this hard paper. Blaine looked over confusingly at Brittany S Pierce's blank expression.

"Head to the front Mr Anderson!" Mr Hummel shouted from the other side of the hall with a wink.

15 minutes into the exam Brittany suddenly remembered where she was and opened her paper.

The first question was relatively easy for the average senior student, but then again, Brittany wasn't exactly 'average'.

'if x is equivelant to 19 what is 2x?'

Her breath hitched as she held up her arm.

"yes, miss pierce?" Mr Hummel answered.

"where are the rainbows in this paper?"

"There isn't" he said coldly as Blaine smirked at him as he passed.

Suddenly Brittany felt cold.

"W-what?" she shouted across the hall disturbing all other students.

"Brittany, be quiet, this is an official exam!"

"I DON'T CARE!" she screamed flipping her desk in anger, hitting Rachel Berry in the head and knocking her out.

"Calm down!" Mr Hummel said, rushing past Rachel Berry and the pool of blood that was surrounding her.

"so... Are we just leaving the Jewish girl dead one the floor now?" Blaine asked, glancing at the examiner, giving him the flirty eyes.

"Brittany ran out of the hall screeching about non violence in mathematics exams, followed by Mr Hummel trying to calm her down. He couldn't.

And so...they really did leave the Jewish girl dead on the floor."

As Brittany approached the glass doors of the exam hall, as angry as Santana, she ran straight into the glass knocking herself out, Mr Hummel was chasing after her and didn't notice her on the floor and stomped right on her head, killing her instantly.

Blaine saw the whole thing and ran over to Kurt. Jumping on his back.

"That was so sexy Kurt!" He said before snogging his face off and running off into the sunset with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Peanuts

"I'm sorry I'm breaking up with you..." Chandler decreed looking down on a heartbroken Kurt Hummel as fragile tears streamed down his face.

"What, Why?!" Kurt managed to whisper back

"You're just not the one..." Chandler replied, "But we can still be friends...!"

"STILL BE FRIENDS?! HOW COULD WE STILL BE FRIENDS!" Kurt roared turning on his designer heels trying to hide his overwhelming tears, "I hope you choke on some peanuts..." he murmured as he left.

However, luckily he ran into someone from his time at Dalton...

"woah, woah! Calm down! What's the rush?" the curly haired boy asked Kurt. Kurt looked up and instantly blushed, the boy stood in front of him was so incredibly beautiful and somewhat familiar, he just couldn't contain himself. He couldn't believe what he was about to do, but at the same time, he just couldn't stop himself. He pounced on the dalton boy quicker than anything he had ever seen before.

The romantic moment was spoiled by the sound of someone coughing and spluttering behind Kurt. Kurt swivelled round to see a bright red faced Chandler gasping for air on the floor.

"peeeaaanuuutss" he breathed grabbing at kurts suite.

"Well that wasn't odd at all..." Blaine murmured

"Good old' peanuts..." Kurt whispered before leaning in for yet another romantic gesture... Leaving Chandler dead on a street in Ohio...


End file.
